Friday, November 1, 2013
I wake up but not all of me. My mind is awake but my body remains in dreamland and won't respond to my wishes. I am aware of the alarm and force my hand to press snooze. The next time it goes on, my body joins me in the real world just enough to shut it off and then my head drops back to the pillow. My mind is threatening to join my body, but I have enough control to at least to think about taking a shower and getting my medication. I tell my body it is time for work and it must move and get up. I give it a little while to see how much can be accomplished. I am able to roll over, check the time, and grab my phone. I set the alarm for another few minutes of rest. The alarm goes off and my body still refuses to budge. It is now down to the wire...either I get up or I don't work. With all my strength, I am able to sit halfway up, but my body is so strong in its refusal to cooperate that I fall back down and my mind starts its way into dreamland. With my last drop of effort, I dial my boss's number and tell her I don't feel well. I don't remember if I hear the click of her hanging up before all of me slips all the way down into that other world of sleep. The next time I wake up, the day is more than half over, and I barely remember if I called in or not. I check my phone...no message from work, so I guess I did. I get up, drink some water, eat something, turn on the TV, and drop down again until nighttime. Then it's time for dinner, meds, and bed to start the cycle again and hope for a better go of it tomorrow.