To Work or Not to Work...

     ...that is the question...sometimes.

The more times I need to call in tired, the more times I feel sick or have headaches, and the more summer days knock me down, the more I wonder how much longer I can continue to work full time. I'm not mentally at the point of investigating permanent or partial disability because knowing I will be giving up part of my income makes me uneasy. After all, I have become accustomed to a certain lifestyle. You know, the little things in life that are hard to give up...things like a consistent roof over my head, regular meals...you know little things like that.

Only in America

Americans enjoy many benefits that are not so available in some other countries. We are entitled to freedoms that are not so available in some other countries. However, most of us forget that besides being a free, democratic country, the United States is a capitalist country, and that is sometimes what takes precedent in the execution of the benefit. For instance, under the Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA) people with MS have the right to request and receive reasonable accommodations to help them perform their job functions. To receive these accommodations, the employee must document the fact that he or she has a condition that falls under the purview of the ADA and then detail the accommodation needed; the forms must be filled out by the employee and the employee's doctor, complete with amount of time it will be needed.

This can sometimes cause mental anguish for the employee. After all, it is sometimes difficult to admit to ourselves that we need help, never mind putting it in writing and discussing it with the doctor so he can detail everything. Once this is all done, you have to hand it over to the human resource department, so several people now know that you are not as capable as you used to be without extra assistance. That done, you would think that, since MS is an incurable disease, it is understood that this process doesn't have to be repeated because your doctor stated clearly that this is a lifetime condition.

Sorry, no. The ADA affords companies the right to ask for a yearly update/renewal of all the paperwork, including the doctor's statements and your requests before they will continue to provide the accommodation for you. So, if you are in need of anything that requires paperwork or any other steps, be ready to do everything more than once throughout the year. I am letting everyone know this because I realize that while all Americans know that we have the right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. However, not everyone is aware that that pursuit can be littered with hoops to jump through and hurdles to clear.

Calling in Tired

I wake up but not all of me. My mind is awake but my body remains in dreamland and won't respond to my wishes. I am aware of the alarm and force my hand to press snooze. The next time it goes on, my body joins me in the real world just enough to shut it off and then my head drops back to the pillow. My mind is threatening to join my body, but I have enough control to at least to think about taking a shower and getting my medication. I tell my body it is time for work and it must move and get up. I give it a little while to see how much can be accomplished. I am able to roll over, check the time, and grab my phone. I set the alarm for another few minutes of rest. The alarm goes off and my body still refuses to budge. It is now down to the wire...either I get up or I don't work. With all my strength, I am able to sit halfway up, but my body is so strong in its refusal to cooperate that I fall back down and my mind starts its way into dreamland. With my last drop of effort, I dial my boss's number and tell her I don't feel well. I don't remember if I hear the click of her hanging up before all of me slips all the way down into that other world of sleep. The next time I wake up, the day is more than half over, and I barely remember if I called in or not. I check my phone...no message from work, so I guess I did. I get up, drink some water, eat something, turn on the TV, and drop down again until nighttime. Then it's time for dinner, meds, and bed to start the cycle again and hope for a better go of it tomorrow.

Days In=Days Out

I believe I have said in other blogs that I am blessed with the ability to work at home full time. It's days like the recent weekend I had that makes me truly appreciate it. I had to go into work for three days. Luckily, the third day was only a half day.
     The first day was okay, no big deal really. I did forget my tea and Advil, but someone gave me some Advil and I drank coffee. I got home and rested well for the next day. Day two I remembered the tea, forgot the Advil. I didn't need it so no harm no foul. However, after two days with no nap, I started to feel it. I had a bit of trouble walking right, even with the cane. And after lunch with no nap, I was about to drop. I started crashing. I made it though, even if I did start to lose control of emotions slightly. I made it through the day and slept well. The third day (Thursday) I guess was too much. I had a hard time getting up. Remembered everything, but was dragging. I barely made it through the half day, and when I got home after lunch, I crashed...and I slept, slept, slept. I woke up late with a headache that didn't go away until today (Sunday). I had to call in sick on Friday and am just now starting to feel okay.
     I guess the lesson is that I need to prepare for the days after going in...as many as I go in, I may need to account for in recovery.
     Oh well, such is the life with MS. Again, I am just glad I am still working while I need to.